


Nine Rooms

by Vexie



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Found Family, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Multi, Nostalgia, Old Friends, platonic and romantic poly Blumendrei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:01:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26604889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vexie/pseuds/Vexie
Summary: "Caleb only planned seven rooms, but there were nine. These are the rooms where Caleb remembers Eodwulf and Astrid feeling safe, when they were young. In his love letter, these are the rooms where he loved them both. And in his dreams, this is where he visits them, he realizes."Two more rooms manifest themselves in Caleb's Magnificent Mansion. He goes out searching for their owners to see if they have truly changed as much as he keeps telling himself they have.***Episode 110 spoilers!!***
Relationships: Astrid & Caleb Widogast, Astrid/Caleb Widogast, Astrid/Eodwulf/Caleb Widogast, Eodwulf & Caleb Widogast, Eodwulf/Caleb Widogast, the relationships are a little ambiguous and always complicated
Comments: 16
Kudos: 109





	Nine Rooms

“Welcome home,” Caleb says, leading the Mighty Nein into the entrance of the home he’s been building in his mind for months. He turns to watch them stare around in awe with a soft smile. He wonders if any of them heard what he meant by that. All these things he can’t say out loud, but he’s put into every grain of this home.

_Welcome Home. Thank you. Thank you for tonight, and thank you for every single day since I met each and every one of you. Each of you are a part of me like the room I made for you is a part of this home. You are my home. You are my heart._

“Caleb, this is _amazing_ ,” Veth breathes, a sentiment she’s made before, but this time with more reverence. 

“Are we….is this the…Xorhaus?” Fjord asks haltingly, looking around.

“No, this is of my own design. I was inspired, in part, by that house, though,” Caleb says. “Let me show you.”

He leads them through the main level, showing them the kitchen that’s very similar to the cozy kitchen in the Xorhaus. A number of teacups that look uncannily like Caduceus’s own set hang below the cabinets. There’s a smallish table that looks to be hand-carved wood on one side of the room, a vase of wildflowers in the middle.

A small door leads to a kitchen garden, encased in a greenhouse. Caduceus murmurs his approval as he wanders the beds of herbs and vegetables. The greenhouse windows appear slightly blurred as if condensation has taken them over, but the view appears to be the Blooming Grove itself.

The door on the other side of the kitchen leads to a dining room with a much larger table. It’s decorated in a sort of pub style, not unlike the inn where they first met, complete with a stocked bar on one side of the room. There is room for dancing, or to set the room up to host a much grander feast, if so desired. Jester notes the piano in the corner with pleasure.

Caleb leads them to the other side of the entryway, into a decent sized library that’s styled like enough to the Cobalt Soul’s study halls to make Beauregard smile. But there’s a hint of something else, too. Beau suspects there’s a bit of Soltryce Academy mixed in as well. Somehow, they blend together nicely. There are plush leather chairs with a sturdy coffee table in front of a large fireplace. A few desks are hidden away in little alcoves, in case one of them needs some time to study privately.

There is a workshop off the library that makes Veth sigh with nostalgia. It _feels_ like Yeza’s hand has been here. There are tools and workbenches with just enough clutter to make Veth feel right at home. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he somehow copied their workshop back in Felderwin—but he’d never seen it before it had been destroyed.

The back of the house boasts a large training room with mats and mirrors and enough training equipment to make Beau giddy. There are heavy stuffed bags for punching, weights for lifting, and targets for projectile weapons. Fjord sighs heavily as Beau starts detailing the phenomenal morning workout they can have there while Yasha tests a few of the weights in approval. 

Fjord perks back up, however, when Caleb reveals the hot tub from the Xorhaus has made a reappearance in this home, too—for all their post-workout relaxation needs.

There’s a living space scattered with comfortable chairs and couches, all styled in a fashion the Ruby of the Sea would approve of, and a war room complete with a large map on the wall.

Finally, the Nein find themselves back in the entry hall. Caleb takes a deep breath, placing his hand on the swirled end of the polished stair rail. He looks up the stairs, then back at his friends. This is the moment he has been looking forward to the most—and dreading at the same time. He’s spent weeks designing this next portion as carefully as he can. He only hopes it’s enough. 

“You each have your own room. I’ve…made them as comfortable as I can. Please let me know if there is anything I should change. I can do it next time we come here,” Caleb says. His voice is hesitant and shy. Feeling his ears burn, he gestures toward the stairs.

Eyes shining as if it’s the winter solstice, the Nein file up the stairs. Caleb leans on the stair rail and listens to their exclamations.

“Oh, cool, we’re next door neighbors, Yasha!”

“It looks _just_ like home! This is amazing!”

“Guys, Fjord has a hammock!”

“Caduceus, is that _moss_ instead of carpet?”

“Ow, Veth, it’s too small in here! Even Fjord has to duck!”

Caleb smiles to himself. This is everything he’s been hoping for. After so long on the road and so many hardships, this is his love letter to them all. A safe place, full of magic, all for them. No one has to worry about being taken in the night, or that any evil will come to them. They’ll never want for their own personal comforts—each room has been designed to give them a little bit of home. They will be comfortable and (he hopes) happy in this place.

He walks up the stairs.

“Caleb, this is so cool! I don’t think I’ll ever be homesick here. I can even see Nicodranas out the windows, just like at home,” Jester says, running over to hug him.

“Yeah, you kinda outdid yourself this time, Caleb,” Beau says, leaning out Yasha’s door. “I mean, this field of flowers is making me want to sneeze, it looks so real.”

“It’s very beautiful,” Yasha adds, smiling.

“Really, thank you,” Fjord says.

“I’ve been working on this for a long time,” Caleb admits. “That little bubble was the cornerstone for all of this…this is what I was wanting to do.”

“And you can do this whenever you want?” Veth asks. “Just like the bubble?”

“About once a day. It will last for twenty-four hours. And I can close the portal at will—no one will know there is a secret door in that wardrobe unless I want them to,” Caleb says.

“That’s really cool,” Beau says, grinning.

“Where is your room, Caleb?” Veth asks.

Caleb leads them back toward Veth’s room.

“Right next door,” he says, pointing at the gold script on his own door. “But it’s nothing much. I like a simple room.”

“What are those other two rooms?” Beau asks. “The ones without names?”

The other two? Caleb frowns, then turns. Sure enough there are two more doors—the hall is longer than he remembers. For a moment, he feels a touch of panic, but it’s replaced with relief when he sees that the doors are indeed without name.

“Ah…guest rooms. I wanted to be prepared in case we have someone we need to keep safe with us,” he says.

“Oh, cool,” Beau says. She wanders back to her room without further comment.

“That’s pretty nice and all, but I could totally let someone sleep in my room with me. It’s super nice, and they’d probably feel super comfy with the Traveler smiling at them,” Jester says, grinning.

“Are you…sure that would be comforting?” Fjord asks, raising his eyebrows.

“It would be more comforting than your weird boat room,” Veth retorts. “It would make people seasick!”

“I think my room is very comfortable. I think I’ll get the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time in my room,” Fjord replies. “Besides, it’s not like anyone can stay with you unless they’re halfling sized. If anyone’s not accommodating, it’s you!”

Still arguing the Nein disperse from the end of the hall with the two doors.

“This is beautiful work, Caleb. Thank you,” Caduceus says with a smile.

“Thank you,” Caleb says in return.

“You did beautiful work today at dinner, too. You’ve come a long way since we first met. You should be proud,” Caduceus continues.

Caleb can’t find words to reply to that. He nods, a lump in his throat. Caduceus puts a hand on his shoulder. He nods toward the doors.

“Making room to keep others safe is a good mindset to be in,” he says.

Not for the first time, Caleb wonders how much Caduceus knows, or sees.

With a kind smile, Caduceus strolls calmly back to his own room, leaving Caleb alone at the end of the hall with the two unmarked doors.

It’s not until the Nein quiet down and the house is silent that Caleb slips out of his own room and opens those doors.

The first is reminiscent of the dormitory he had shared with Eodwulf, though one larger bed replaces the two smaller ones. But there is the table where they had helped each other through stacks of homework, and their fireplace, and even the mark on the wall where Eodwulf had accidentally caught it on fire.

The second is a painfully familiar suite in a cheap inn near the school where many kisses were shared and many sleepless nights were spent in stolen (or borrowed?) freedom. 

Caleb leaves both doors open and stares into them. He didn’t plan these rooms. He has detailed notes and sketches in his book about each one of these rooms, carefully describing every corner to ensure that the spell would be solid and _real_. But only seven bedrooms had been planned.

And these…they’re likely not even right. Eodwulf wouldn’t want to stay in their dormitory forever. And Astrid certainly would not want to sleep in a cheap room like that. But these rooms…this was where Caleb and Eodwulf pushed their beds close together and stayed up late talking every night. Their sanctuary, where they were safe from the students whose parents bought their place in the Academy just like the clothes they wore, where they were free to be themselves together. Where they planned their adventures and their glories together. And where Caleb and Astrid, and later Eodwulf met to study love and trust and what it means to be _one_. Where they sleepily promised to always be together, no matter what came their way. Where they dreamed about what they could accomplish, and how their different skill sets would make them unstoppable.

These are the rooms where Caleb remembers them feeling safe, when they were young. In his love letter, this is where he loved them both. And in his dreams, this is where he visits them, he realizes.

Where do they feel safe now? How should he decorate these rooms? What do they like now? Does Astrid still favor the color blue? Does Eodwulf still wear shirts half a size smaller than he should? Does Eodwulf still hate brass instruments? Does Astrid still prefer dances in waltz time? What are their hobbies? What are their dreams? Caleb had held them so close in his memory, but they were children then. The children he knew were long grown up—it’s no use pretending when he’s seen them again. The perfect images of the two he knew so well when they were young have been shattered. Eodwulf and Astrid, once his closest, dearest companions, are strangers now. 

No, that’s not right. They’re not strangers. Not entirely.

Eodwulf still smirks just the same as he used to when he shows off his arms—though it used to only be corded muscle he showed off. And Astrid’s eyes twinkle with clever mischief. Her face lit up just like it used to when she said _“Race you to the top_.” It might have been another race for the first prize in one of their classes. And the bottle—how many times have the three of them completed that circuit? Conjure, swig, swig, swig, disappear. Without missing a beat. As if no time had passed at all.

They’re different, but at the same time, they are _not_. Caleb sighs, staring hard at the two rooms he created as if they’ll hold the answer he’s looking for. He knows better, though. Finally, he sighs.

“There’s only one way to find out,” he says out loud. He closes both doors, then gets his coat.

Unlike the Tiny Hut, this house will stay standing without him. His friends can get a good night’s sleep in safety and comfort, and he can leave them here. Unless something happens to him, this home will be safe and sound.

Caleb quietly exits the inn. As he passes the front desk, he remembers suddenly that he ordered nine rooms here, too. Nine. Not seven.

He picks up his pace.

The tavern where he had brought the Nein is very lively with the late night crew. Caleb finds an empty table out of the way and watches. He means to keep an eye out, but he gets quickly distracted by the number of Soltryce students on the dance floor, relieving the stress of a heavy workload. It’s all so familiar. He remembers the low light, the watered down beer the aging barkeep gave them, the smell of sweet sweat, the pull of arms around him, and the rush of quick, stolen kisses and laughter against his mouth.

“A little young for you, I think,” a deep voice says. Caleb looks up to see a tankard placed down in front of him. His heart gives a little leap in spite of himself. Eodwulf sits down in the chair across from him, a hesitant, almost _shy_ smile on his face. He’s nervous, Caleb realizes. He still looks just the way he always has when he’s nervous.

How much is he the same?

“Ah, right. I forget sometimes. I did oversleep by an entire decade,” Caleb says with a shrug, watching Eodwulf closely. His dark eyes widen in surprise, darken with a bit of guilt, then finally crinkle into a smile.

“Still can’t get up on time, ja?” he teases in return.

They laugh. It’s a bit awkward and shy, but here they are, laughing together. Something eases, just a little bit. They’re laughing, they’re joking like they used to. Teasing each other about things like oversleeping and people they find attractive (or not). This is…familiar.

“It doesn’t seem so long ago that we were them,” Caleb says, nodding at the dance floor. “Ten year nap or not.”

“No, it does feel like yesterday,” Eodwulf agrees. He looks around. “I haven’t been here in a very long time, though. I didn’t think I would ever come back to such an establishment.”

Caleb gives him a look.

“Why did you come tonight?” he asks.

Eodwulf’s eyebrows raise. Caleb can still see the faint scar from when he’d missed trying to jump across the widest part of the creek. There are a few newer scars Caleb does not know. How many? How different is this body than the one he remembers, he wonders. He suddenly feels the scars on his own body that Eodwulf no longer knows. It’s a strange thought.

“Probably for the same reason you did,” Eodwulf says.

Caleb raises his tankard to him with a smile. The two drink. After a moment, Caleb glances toward the door.

“Do you think she’ll come, too?” he asks.

Eodwulf’s face changes. There’s an unreadable expression there. Something is wrong.

“I don’t know,” Eodwulf admits. “She isn’t as daring as she used to be. There is a lot of pressure on her, you know.”

He checks himself.

“Well, you might not,” he says.

“After tonight, I can imagine,” Caleb say softly. “You know, I am…sorry if I made things more complicated for you. Both of you. That was never my intention.” He doesn’t say that until he was in the room, he’d forgotten the actual weight of his old master’s gaze. He doesn’t say how sorry he is to have left the two of them to bear that weight alone for so long.

Eodwulf shrugs.

“The old man likes to keep us guessing where we stand as it is. He always has,” he says.

He looks around for a moment, inspecting the room as if he expects someone to be watching them. Then he grins and it’s a real grin, the one Caleb remembers from their years growing up together.

“It was…fun to see you and your friends make him so uneasy. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen him so unnerved,” Eodwulf says.

“It…well…I can’t say it was pleasant, but it felt good to say those things after so many years of thinking them,” Caleb says. “I’m no more satisfied than I was, but it was a bit…cathartic, in a way. As for my friends…”

“They’re a bit unpredictable, ja?” Eodwulf says. “But I think I like them.” 

Caleb shakes his head.

“I would not have made it through this night without them,” he admits. “They’re very…protective. In their own way. I told them our— _my_ story, of course, in preparation for this dinner. I think they came in a little defensive of me.”

He gives Eodwulf a nod, raising his tankard.

“I think by the end of the evening, they were ready to defend you as well,” he says.

“I got that, actually,” Eodwulf says. “You know, when you showed up out of nowhere at the Sanitarium with that cast of strange, brightly colored characters…well, I wouldn’t have believed it were you if it wasn’t for the fact that your beard makes you look just like your father. Congratulations on that, by the way.”

Caleb’s laugh surprises him as much as the joke does. _So much the same_.

“Ja, I told you it would happen,” he says warmly.

“By the by, what happened to that little goblin that was with you before? She’s the halfling now, isn’t she? She has the same strange markings on her face,” Eodwulf says, leaning forward. “And I know it can’t be a glamour—it would have dispelled the moment she stepped into the room and required a re-cast.”

Caleb looks at him for a moment. There is so much he wants to tell Eodwulf. So many conversations he has had in his head for _so long_. He wants to tell him everything about the Nein and their adventures. Their entire childhood, little Bren had been the brains and Eodwulf had been the brawn, carrying out their plans on his broad shoulders. Eodwulf had always been patient, giving into Bren’s ideas and whims, and carrying him home when they ended in disaster. Now, the desire for him to see how strong Caleb has become and how far he has gone on his own is almost overwhelming.

It strikes him, then, how important Eodwulf’s opinion is to him, even now, after so long. But he takes a breath, and chooses the pieces of the story that are okay to tell. After all, anything Eodwulf hears is likely to find its way back to Trent’s ears. Not everything is the same.

“Veth is a dear friend—one of the first I made after my escape. She was under a curse by a hag, you see—kidnapped by goblins out of her hometown. She killed their leader to save her family, and they took her to a hag and had her cursed to live as a goblin,” Caleb says. Eodwulf’s eyes widen.

“No shit, an actual hag?” he breathes.

This is the stuff they read about—the stories they loved as children. Stories Bren’s mother would tell them on rainy days in the cottage. Hags and curses and adventures.

“Ja. We had to convince the hag to remove the curse—Jester tricked her with a cupcake sprinkled with a dust that made her more…open to suggestion, and a well-thought out modify memory spell,” Caleb says. Eodwulf’s face loses years as his old expression of excited wonder appears.

“But this only removed the part of the curse that was keeping Veth in her goblin form. We still had to devise a way to turn her back. So I wrote a spell of my own design. Finally, we were able to pull it off. We borrowed the bathtub of one of the most famous courtesans of the Menagerie Coast…we broke it in half, actually. Fortunately, the courtesan is very kind and generous. But I was able to transform her back to her halfling form.” Caleb finishes.

Eodwulf sits back, crossing his arms over his chest. He doesn’t try to mask his impressed expression.

“You’re really doing it, aren’t you? All of those adventures and fairytales you used to read…I thought you’d grow out of them like the rest of us did. But you’re not…you’re out there living them, aren’t you?” he shakes his head in wonder. “You and these Mighty Nein.”

And again, Caleb pauses. _Come with me_. The words are there, on the tip of his tongue. He hears the awe and the _jealousy_ in Eodwulf’s voice. He could bring him home tonight, to that unbidden room, and the Nein would welcome him. He could ask, right now. The desire to do so is almost like an ache. Talking like this with Eodwulf…it’s as if no time has passed. But so much time _has_. And there’s so much Caleb wants to say.

_What happened? Why was I the only one to break? What must you have thought of me? What did they tell you? Did you ever come see me? What do you think of me now? Did you think of me at all? Do you know how much I’ve thought of and missed you?_

He must know, right? Eodwulf must know that Caleb—that _Bren_ loves him no less. That he’s loved him all his life and always will—his first and oldest friend. Caleb looks into Eodwulf’s face, adorned with new scars and softened with old friendship, and wishes with all his heart in that moment that he had told Eodwulf how much he’d loved him far more often all those years ago. He wishes that Eodwulf—and Astrid, too—could be loved the way Caleb is by the Nein now. They deserved to be loved like that. They still do. They deserve safe rooms in a safe home built with love, without spying eyes and puppet strings. They deserve the exhausted moments of togetherness in a glittering bubble in the dirt after a hard battle. They deserve drinks in various inns and fireworks in Hupperdook and chaotic island parties and dancing just for the fun of dancing. They deserve Caduceus’s tea and uncanny wisdom, Beau’s tough love and down to earth opinion, Fjord’s gentle questions and unwavering support, Veth’s loyalty, Yasha’s quiet conversations, and Jester’s joy and adoration. Caleb wants nothing more than to take Eodwulf and bring him into this world where his friends join him at his greatest enemy’s table, unafraid and protective.

But this moment is as fragile as a house of cards. One misplaced breath and it all falls down. Eodwulf will disappear again. And Caleb isn’t ready for that. Not yet. Not when they’re talking like this for the first time in so long.

So, instead, Caleb leans back and tells Eodwulf more of their adventures—the ones he would have loved the most. He’s careful not to reveal anything that could harm his friends, and he stays away from their adventures in Xorhas, of course. But he tells Eodwulf of their pirating adventures. Eodwulf asks questions about Darktow and Avantika, and about Caleb’s wall of fire, and Orly and the other sailors. When the tale is told, he sits back, shaking his head, his eyes dancing.

“You know, I had wondered how you of all people had come to be so dark. You’re almost as dark as me, now,” Eodwulf teases. “So you didn’t just pull that whole sailor thing out of thin air, did you? You truly could go live as a sailor? That wasn’t a joke?”

“It’s a little bit of a joke,” Caleb admits. “I suppose I’m competent enough, but a sailor’s life isn’t for me. Not like it is for Fjord.”

“The half orc, yes? The one who was teasing me back at the Sanitarium,” Eodwulf says.

Caleb shakes his head.

“Nein, he was teasing _me_ , if anyone. He means well. They all do,” he says. “In their own way. These people aren’t bound to the same kinds of…society that we were.”

“You seem close,” Eodwulf says. For a moment, Caleb sees a strange look cross his face. Something…perhaps sad, or longing.

“We’ve been through a lot together. We all started off together with nearly nothing. No money, no mission, no grand plans. We’re just a bunch of assholes trying to make a difference,” Caleb says, half-smiling as he recalls Beau’s description.

“You’re a family,” Eodwulf says. It’s firm, sure. This time, there is no mistaking the longing in his face.

“Ja. I suppose we are,” Caleb says quietly. _Like we used to be_ , he does not say. He’s caught off guard when Eodwulf does.

“Like we used to be. Once.”

Caleb looks down at the table. With a start, he sees his own initials staring back at him. His, Eodwulf’s, and Astrid’s, connected in a triangle. Still here, all of these years later. Still the same. 

“We still are,” he says softly, not looking up. “To me, anyway. You always will be.”

That’s all he can say, all he can get out. So many other things tumble through his head, jumbling together until they become white noise. He looks up at Eodwulf and sees his own grief mirrored back at him.

_Now._

“Wulf. I know…you can’t, or won’t. Not now. But I made you a promise once. If you should ever knock on my door, I will open it for you. No matter what,” Caleb says, reaching across the table and putting a hand on Eodwulf’s forearm.

Eodwulf gives him a sad smile.

“That was when I hid under your bed because my parents were fighting again. They were furious the next day,” he remembers. “So were yours.” 

“We were eight. I told my parents that I’d made that promise and that I’d never forgive them if they didn’t let me uphold it,” Caleb says.

Eodwulf nods.

“They did. I think I was at your house more often than I was at mine from then on,” he says.

His smile fades.

“That was a very long time ago, Bren,” he says. He frowns. “Bren. Caleb. I kept thinking to myself…Caleb Widogast is a complete stranger to me. A strange name for a stranger. What was told to me—and what I told myself—was that I did not know Caleb Widogast at all.”

Caleb takes a breath to explain, but Eodwulf continues, putting his hand over Caleb’s.

“I came here tonight, wondering if there was enough of Bren in you to think to come. And here you were. Caleb is…different. But not unlike Bren,” he says. “But I’m different now, too. And I can’t talk about the things I’ve done as freely as you can. I don’t have as much to offer you.”

“I know,” Caleb says. He sighs. “But the offer stands, as it always has. I could not leave this night without making sure you knew that.”

_Without making sure you know that I still love you._

“Your friends. Do they know you’re here?” Eodwulf says.

“I did not want to wake them,” Caleb says, not fully answering Eodwulf’s question. But Eodwulf’s decisive nod tells him he’s said enough.

The moment is passing. The house of cards is falling.

Eodwulf raises his tankard.

“To friendship. Old and new,” he says. It’s only when he says the words in Common that Caleb realizes they’ve been speaking Zemnian most of the night. He raises his own tankard.

“To the _Drei_ and the _Nein_ ,” he says.

The strange look flits across Eodwulf’s face again, but only for a moment. He nods and they drink. Eodwulf finishes his and sets it down. He stands.

“I’ve been gone too long as it is,” he says. “But this…I’ve missed…this. It was good to talk.”

“It was good. Thank you for the drink, Wulf,” Caleb replies. “I’ll buy next time.”

Eodwulf grins and gives him a nod. He begins a movement, as if to move toward Caleb, but stops. He nods again, raising a hand. He walks away. Caleb watches him. He’d disappear into the crowd if he weren’t half a head taller than most of them. He’s not sure which is stronger, the lump in his throat or the warm feeling in his chest. He runs a finger over the worn initials carved into the table and finishes his own drink thoughtfully.

As he makes his way out of the tavern, Caleb pauses at a table where a figure in a cloak has been sitting for some time.

“You could have joined us, you know,” he says softly.

Astrid looks up at him.

“No, I couldn’t,” she says.

“You used to. We used to come here together,” Caleb says. “All three of us.”

Astrid gives him a small smile.

“Oh, Bren. We always wondered if you knew. It was you who held us together. Eodwulf and I never loved each other. We both just loved you,” she says. “And after you, only our dear master kept us together.”

Caleb stares at her, not sure how to respond. Astrid stands. She puts a hand on his cheek.

“Are you going to make me the same offer you made him?” she asks in Zeminan.

Caleb leans into her hand a little, but shakes his head.

“You wouldn’t accept it if I did. Everything was always on your terms, Astrid,” he says.

She gives him a smile, pleased with his response. He covers her hand with his own, then gently moves it away from his face.

“But yes, the offer is there. If you ever ask, you will have a place,” Caleb finishes, meeting her eyes evenly. “Always.”

Astrid’s smile fades.

“You were always too forthright. Too honest,” she says. “I’d forgotten how honest you are.”

_If only you knew._

“At least you always knew where you stood,” Caleb says.

“Yes. You two never let me forget that you loved him first,” Astrid replies.

She’s aiming to hurt him, but she’s doing so in her own defense.

_What have these years been like? What has happened to you? You were always shrewd, but never this cold._

If the comfortable conversation with Eodwulf had been a house of cards, this one is like trying to capture a wounded animal. There is not much Caleb can say that won’t send her running.

“But I loved you most,” he says, repeating his sentiment from earlier. _You were my favorite_.

As he expects, hurt and anger flash in her eyes, but she smiles coolly.

“More than your blue girl?” she asks, voice sweet and knowing.

This, Caleb did not expect. But leave it to Astrid to spot his complicated feelings for Jester. She still knows him too well. And he still knows her enough. This game, he knows very well. For as long as they had been lovers, they had also been competitors. He rolls his shoulders back, standing to his full height—not nearly as tall as Eodwulf but still taller than Astrid. He cups her face and leans in slowly. Her eyes widen in panic, but she doesn’t (or can’t?) move. He stops, inches from her face, locking her eyes with his own.

“Astrid, if things had gone the way I had planned all those years ago, I would have married you,” he says softly. “Do not try to poison my memories of you. They kept me alive and warm when I had nothing else. I don’t want to ruin them by playing your games.”

He kisses her forehead and steps away from her. She stares at him wide-eyed and does not reply. A point to him, then. He gives her a nod and turns to walk away before his watery knees give him away. At least he’d been able to say _one_ thing he’d been rehearsing all of these years, though perhaps not the way he’d planned to say it, he thinks with a touch of bitter irony.

“Bren— _Caleb_ ,” Astrid says.

He freezes at the sound of his new name on her lips. He turns. Her stance tells him her game is over. She looks tired.

“She’s lucky. Your blue girl. They all are. They’re lucky to have you,” she says.

That’s as honest as he’s going to get out of Astrid.

“Danke,” Caleb says.

As he turns to walk away again, Astrid runs up and kisses him on the mouth. When she pulls away, her face is bright red. The color makes her look like the young girl she’d been, flushed from dancing.

“I would have said yes. If things had gone the way we’d planned,” she says breathlessly. “Don’t die on Vess Da’Rogna’s errand, all right?”

Without waiting for a response, Astrid pushes past him and disappears into the night.

Beau is sitting on the stairs when Caleb returns through the wardrobe door. She holds out a steaming cup.

“Caduceus?” Caleb asks, taking the cup and sitting down next to her. He takes a sip and is surprised to taste cocoa, spiced with cinnamon.

“Nah, this is the one thing I know how to make myself,” Beau says.

“It’s good,” Caleb says.

They’re silent for a few moments.

“So, I take it you went to go find the owners of the other two bedrooms?” Beau says.

“What do you…” Caleb starts.

Beau rolls her eyes and gives him a knowing grin.

“Come on, Caleb. You asked for nine rooms when we got to that crappy inn. I know what’s been on your mind. You’ve been planning to try to get them to join us since you got that letter,” she says.

Caleb sighs. Everyone is reading him so easily tonight. He’s really losing his touch.

“I suppose you want to tell me it’s a bad idea,” he says.

Beau shrugs.

“I mean, probably. That asshole still has them trained like puppies to come when he calls. But I know where you’re coming from. I’m not gonna hold it against you,” she says. “Besides, as much as I tried to hate them for being associated with that loser, I kinda like them. Especially that Eodwulf guy.”

Caleb laughs at that.

“They were my closest friends. It is hard to let go of that,” he admits. “They were good people, once. I still have hope that maybe they could be good people again.”

“Maybe they can. I mean, hell, I think we’ve all overcome some shit and become, y’know, better people or whatever,” Beau says.

Caleb nods.

“You know, that was my thought, too. You all have given me a chance I never thought I would have. And I have become a better person than I thought I could be because of you all,” he says.

“A better person than I thought you could be, too,” Beau teases, nudging him.

“I wish I could give them what you all have given me. I don’t want to give up on them yet,” Caleb says.

Beau’s smile fades into a serious, sympathetic expression. She puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Leave those two rooms open, then. Maybe someday you’ll get that chance,” she says. “I can’t promise we’ll go easy on them or anything. I think we drove you crazy for a while before all of that super deep changing stuff happened. But y’know. We won’t just kick ‘em out or anything.”

Caleb looks up the stairs. He can’t see all the way down the hall from here, but his mind is already thinking of things he should do to make sure those rooms are truly ready. Beau follows his gaze.

“Hey, it is kinda funny, though,” she says.

“What is?” Caleb asks.

“You know. You making nine rooms on accident. Nine rooms. _Nein_ rooms. Because of the whole Mighty Nein thing,” she replies.

Caleb smiles. Nein rooms.

He stands up.

“Thank you for the cocoa, Beauregard,” he says. “And…I’m glad to have met you, and that you kept driving me crazy until I became better. I hope you continue doing so for a very long time. I’ve still got a long way to go, after all.”

Beau stands up and gives him a light punch.

“Not as long as you think, Widogast,” she says.

They walk up the stairs together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! 
> 
> Caleb reconnecting with Eodwulf and Astrid hit me pretty hard; I’ve recently reconnected with my oldest, closest friend after going through a Time. We haven’t been through anything near like what the Blumendrei have, but I’m definitely experiencing that aching nostalgia and also showing my oldest friend how much I’ve grown (and coming out to them as ace) and who I am now and who my (far less toxic than our old group) friends are now….it’s an intense feeling and Caleb’s big love for his friends (new and old) just really…really hit home. 
> 
> As always, feel free to let me know what you thought! Is it Thursday yet???


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